|I didn’t do it|
My two toddlers are fighting over an identical pair of boots with yelling and screaming and toy chucking. My newest gremlin hates his car seat, so he starts wailing…and man, can he wail. He has that head shredding sonic weapon o’ doom all parents hope their kids don’t get. I’m trying to call the phone to find it, and naturally can’t hear anything over the furry that is my severely pissed Viking spawn..so I give up. I’d rather be stranded with no phone in the ditch than listen for 3 seconds longer. I pick him up..and feel the unmistakable squish of ‘sploded diaper on my arm. CRAP..literally..I’m already going to be late to this appointment my kid really needs to make because he’s got what I know is an abscessed tooth. ..and now I have poop all over me, my kid, and my car seat. I clean us both up quick like a bunny, then go to clean the seat up enough I can put a blanket over it, and get on the road. There is like a puddle of peanut butter breastfed baby poop in the bottom of the seat, literally…I have no idea how something so small can poop so much….so I take a towel to soak it up.. there’s something in the puddle..