Parenting

Nightmares and Night Terrors in Children: What Can You Do?

No parent likes being woke up in the middle of the night to the sound of their child crying, especially when those tears are a result of fear. However, almost all children have nightmares occasionally, while only a rare 5 percent have night terrors. Understanding what causes nightmares and night terrors in children can help prevent or at least lessen their occurrence.

The first step is to identify which nighttime bane is to blame. This means understanding the difference between a nightmares and night terrors in children.

Nightmares in children:

night terrors in children

-Occur later in the night once dreaming has begun.
-Will be remembered the next day by your child.
-Cause fear and/or clinginess immediately afterwards.
-Makes going back to sleep difficult.

Causes of nightmares in children are external influences such as:

-Scary movies, stories, or images before bed.
-Stress.
-Separation anxiety.
-Illness.
-Other mental stressors.

Night terrors in children:

-Occur earlier in the night.
-Will not be remembered at all by your child.
-Will cause your child to scream, yell, cry, whimper, flail, and/or sit up in bed without being responsive as he/she is actually still asleep.
-May cause physical symptoms such as sweating and rapid heart beat and breathing.
-Will end abruptly with your child going back to sleep soundly as if nothing ever happened.

Causes of night terrors in children are unknown but may include:

-Sleep disturbances, such as sleep apnea.
-Erratic sleep schedules.
-Sleep deprivation.
-Illness.
-Genetic predisposition.

What you can do to help childhood nightmares:

When a nightmare occurs, go to your child and offer comfort. Physical comfort is especially helpful, stroke his/her back, run your fingers through his/her hair, etc. You can try to explain that it was only a dream, but keep in mind that younger children, such as toddlers, may not understand what this means as realty and fantasy are still a bit fuzzy at this age. It will help to talk about the dream and let your child attempt to express their fear.

You can prevent nightmares by keeping a good bed time routine, and by being careful to avoid things that may prompt nightmares, such as scary movies. If your child does experience a nightmare, don’t feel bad, it’s likely nothing you personally did wrong. These things are just a fact of childhood.

What you can do to help night terrors in children:

Unlike a nightmare, a child in the middle of a night terror should not be comforted or even touched unless he/she is about to be hurt (ex/ hitting head on headboard.). This is because your child is not actually awake. Attempts to comfort him or her may result in disorientation and an even more frantic and fearful result. While I know it may be hard to listen to your child cry out, as my own children  frequently had night terrors in their toddler years, it’s better to stand by waiting for the night terror to subside.

As to what causes night terrors in children, no one really knows for sure, and there’s not really any way to prevent them. You can ensure your child has a set bed-time schedule, and try to make sure they get ample sleep for their age. You may also speak to your pediatrician to be sure a physical condition such as sleep apnea is not causing the problem. Some children outgrow night terrors, mine did, though the condition does occur in adults.

You may also find helpful:
Helping Kids Beat a Fear of the Dark

The Sex Talk Timeline: When Should You Talk to Your Kids About Sex?

Times have changed. Imagining a short 50 years ago it was almost impossible to show a female belly button on TV is nearly impossible when you look at the sex-driven content today’s youth are exposed to on TV, in movies, in ads, on the internet, and literally everywhere else. Sex is indeed a primary motivator of our species, and once the market realized “sex sells” they pushed it at the people until we all became so numb to it that we don’t even notice anymore. How many of you would give second thought to a mild cut-away sex scene on TV or a half-naked billboard? Chances are very few of you would. However, there is someone who notices– your kids. Unfortunately, this change in times forces parents to reevaluate when the right time to start educating their kids about sex. If you start too late, well, it could be too late.sex talk for kids

So when is the right time for the sex talk?

Teaching your kids about sex really doesn’t come to one single “sex talk” like people seem to think. There shouldn’t be some coming of age point where you sit down and have one very long and awkward conversation with your child about sex. Rather, it should be a slow and gradual education over time that properly corresponds with your child’s mentality.

Toddlers:

At the toddler age you should start teaching your children about their bodies, their whole bodies. Even at such a young age children need to know what a penis and a vagina are and that they are private. You’ll find your kids naturally show curiosity in their nether regions and this can queue you into some anatomy lessons.

Pre-schoolers/Kindergarten:

Chances are you’ll have some boyfriend/girlfriend run-ins at this age, but they’ll be innocent; hand holding, hugging, maybe kissing. Be sure to talk to your child often, ask them about school and their friends so that when such things begin to develop you’ll know and can jump in with guidance. Talk about things like relationships, love, and kissing. Remember to keep your conversations appropriate for your child’s developmental level. It’s likely you’ll also have to deal with questions like, “Where do babies come from?” at this age. Answer any questions your child has truthfully. Avoid dodging the issue with silly stories. You don’t necessarily have to go into in-depth detail, but tell the truth.

Grade School:

Sometime during grade school or middle school your child will hit puberty. You can choose to address that when it happens, but it’s generally less shocking and confusing for your kid if they have some pre-warning and know what to do when it happens.

Middle School/High School:

This is when sex education in regards to things like protective, STDS, pregnancy, dating, etc. need to be talked about. Talking to you pre-teen or teen about sex won’t make them more likely to have sex, but it will prepare them if they end up doing so. As a parent, you can’t follow your children everywhere. They will be presented with sexual situations. How they handle those situation depends on your previous guidance. When exactly you should start talking about such things is really up to you. Pay attention to your teens actions, continue to ask about friends, school and social activities in a non-threatening way, and answer any questions that arise without judgment. It’s important your child feels comfortable talking to you about sex, if they feel they could get in trouble for something they say, they may not say anything at all.

Sex is undeniably a part of human life. Teaching your kids about this aspect of living may be a bit uncomfortable for some, but going the distance and sticking with it makes you a better parent in the end.

When did you have the sex talk with your kids?

You may also find helpful:
Toddler Sexuality: Gender Realization, Fascination and Playing Doctor
Preventing Teen Sex: a Parent’s Plan

Circumcision: Why I Choose to Circumcise My Sons

All three of my sons were circumcised. If the baby I’m currently pregnant with is male, he, too, will be. I’ve received some flack over that. It seems anti-circumcision has become a big topic these days. What once was perfectly acceptable will now get you called a mutilator by some. Personally, I’m not pro or against circumcision. I just chose to circumcise. I stand by my decision to have my kids circumcised. This is why.

Studies DO support it.

While lots of people may argue this one, there is a rather lengthy list of studies that support the medical benefits of circumcision. Those include a reduced risk of urinary infections, penile cancer, and sexually transmitted diseases such as HIV. Both the CDC and the American Academy of Pediatrics confirm these findings even though they do not take a firm stance on whether or not parents should circumcise their sons. Please do not try to refute these reputable sources with biased sites.

It is easier to care for.

In my personal opinion, having cared for children who were and were not circumcised, circumcised infants are easier to clean down there. This one is strictly my opinion; of course, as few studies have been done on the subject, but I do feel, hygiene-wise, it’s a cleaner option. I’m sure many have a different view on the subject. If you’re trying to decide, maybe do some baby sitting and get some experience caring for both options.

They won’t feel different.

While circumcision rates have dropped according to the CDC in the last few years, and were only at 54.7% in 2010, the “norm” is still circumcision in my area. The drop is actually suggested to be a result of some states no longer covering circumcisions through public healthcare programs such as Medicaid. Honestly, no matter what sex those may be that are reading this article, what do you picture when you think of a penis? Whatever you saw, that’s probably the cultural norm for you. My husband is circumcised. All my kid’s cousins and friends are circumcised. I don’t want my kids to grow up and feel self-conscious sexually, because they look different. The tables may be opposite for you, but they aren’t for our family.

There aren’t sufficient risks.

The above is not outweighed by the nearly non-existent risks of circumcision. Naturally, the fact that there isn’t a reason not to, does weigh in on my decision to do so. There are just as many minor complications that can arise in an uncircumcised newborn as a circumcised one.

Again, I believe that circumcision is a personal-choice issue for parents where there isn’t necessarily a right or wrong decision. Some would argue the decision should be the child’s, but how many decisions do you make a day for your child that are irreversible? Thousands if not more? The food they eat, the things they learn, the environment they live in, the medical care they receive — that is your job. You are a parent and you make decisions that affect your child’s health and life every single day; to circumcise or not, is just another one of those decisions. Please stop trying to make me feel bad for my decision for my children, as I’ve never looked down on yours.